Jay works with children and young people on a London overspill estate in the south of England. He questions why churches engage more with women than men, and he is keen to generate a conversation with you. Join that conversation through the link at the foot of this article. Jay is publishing under the Incarnate anonymous identity to protect his setting.
In church there are a lot more women than men.
In other religions especially Islam and Judaism the men are much more prominent in worship almost to the complete exclusion of women which is not good either but in Christian churches leadership is mostly male and the followers are mostly female. When I go into the homes of young people on the estates of where I work the men are very much in the background they are not especially interested in what their children are up to and leave discussing the children to the woman of the home. They appear lethargic and uninterested. There would seem to be a matriarchal society where, though the women are not well treated they are the ones in control and bear the responsibilities. Mostly they are ‘left holding the baby.’
We organised a number of days out for families. The one that would have gained most interest from the boys and some girls too was to an Army Show. There was zero take up in stark contrast to other trips. Was this because the women were not interested and unless they are nothing happens?
I have heard a number of stories from young people about the way their fathers have behaved or been unfaithful. Often a household will have several children living there with different fathers. Where are those fathers? The house, woman, children, pets stay the same while the men move round.
The work environment in some industries is often predominantly or exclusively male. I was surprised at the very high level of swearing in one firm I visited recently. Are men in need of something to fight for? When the subject turns to football it is like a switch has been triggered and they come to life. Why is this?
Are men intrinsically bad and women not. What is going on in their psyche that is bringing about these conditions or what is happening sociologically or spiritually, or economically? Unless this is addressed nothing will really change. It is family upheaval that primarily leads to children’s poor development. But there are causes to this family break up and I would suggest it could have something to do with men, their identity, their current role given to them in society.
The bloke gets home from working hard all day all he wants to do is sit down quietly fill his belly with chips and beer, watch telly, make love to his woman like they did before any of the children arrived and go to sleep. Instead he comes home to a house full of screaming scruffy kids, a ragged woman who shouts at him because the telly’s not fixed and the kids have been up the wall not knowing what to do with themselves. In time he ends up going to the pub on his way home in order to allow the woman to get most of the children in bed before he gets there. This causes problems with how much money there is to go round. The cigarette and alcohol consumption is a problem that no one can talk about because they are the few things that would appear to keep both parents sane. Sometimes she might join him in the pub and let the older ones run the home. If this doesn’t happen he will probably meet another woman.
The government tries to stop them smoking giving the children leukaemia, hoping they might eat 5 a day, telling them to watch their weight in-case they get fat and have heart disease.
The church tries to help by keeping the kids off the street, it struggles because the kids are essentially customers and are only interested if they are being properly entertained, being able to receive real love is very difficult if you are not used to it. The local council and police help by slinging around ASBOs.
- How is it where you are, what are you seeing?
- How are blokes ever going to think about God if they are so switched off life, except football?
- How can a household begin to live at peace with itself?
